Archive

So did you hear about the woman who forgot her baby in her car and it was so fucking hot (100-something degrees, to be semi-exact) that the kid died?

How stupid do you have to be to forget your baby in the car, especially when the temperature is so high that the air conditoner needs air conditioning?

So now the authorities feel that it is their responsibility to educate us on the importance of not forgetting your baby in the car. They reccommend that parents leave things like purses and cell phones next to their child when they enter the car, so that when they leave the car they´re reminded of the fact that a living, breathing being is in their presence (and you have to believe me when I say that because the creative side of my brain simply doesn´t have the capacity necessary to make up something this ridiculous). I think about this, and then I think to myself that if you're so unaware of your child´s existance that you´re more likely to remember your god damn purse before you remember the kid, then maybe you're too fucked up to be a parent in the first place.

Or maybe not. What do I know.

Please don't choose Ratzinger, please don't choose Ratzinger, please don't choose Ratzinger...

Election day is behind us now, and the Emperor of Diabolism has won. And I've got the perfect picture to celebrate.

I'm aware that I haven't done squat on this site for quite some time now and for that I apologize. From now on I'll be much more active in the site.
Maybe.

In other news, Bush won the election and I hope a rabid monkey bites off his testicles.

If you use Internet Explorer, hope you enjoy the funky reggae music, because it was a trip to hell and back for me to upload it to the site. I also hope you enjoy the story I wrote with Kayla.

So I'm here in Miami visiting my grandfather and today I'm going with him to the set of the soap opera where he works to see how he directs it. Today they're shooting a wrestling scene. A Mexican wrestling scene.

I'm sorry about not updating my site at all recently, but to be honest I'm just too damn lazy. Besides, I've been playing The Sims 2 day and night ever since it arrived to my porch. I think the lack of sunrays is beggining to affect my skin. I plan to create a replica (not really replica, more like parody) of my own family. Then I'll re-write a classic piece of english literature however I see fit, and write about it here on my website. I won't tell you what piece of literature it is, but I WILL say that it's absolutely NOT Romeo and Juliet. Really, it's not. I promise.

People have been bugging me about writing a new article lately. Between school and sleep, I haven't had any time to do so, but I DID manage to dig up a somewhat humorous piece of work about pop-ups that I wrote for school back in 8th grade. Also, I ordered The Sims 2 on Amazon.com a few days ago, and as soon as it arrives the first thing I plan to do is make a dysfunctional family and write a very entertaining article about it. Look for it some time soon!

The movie's description, "An epic fantasy in a world of peace and magic", could not me more of an understatement. This animated 70's movie is much more than that. Basically, it's a mix of medieval fantasy, sci-fi, post-apocalyptic earth, gnomes, elves, and Nazis. No, I'm serious. Nazis. And Hitler and stuff. And tanks. I know it sounds like a piece of crap, but it's actually very much worth your time. Or it could at least serve you as a hint for what to get me for my upcoming birthday (and by upcoming, I mean not until December).

It's September 11 tomorrow, which means that there'll be an endless supply of patriotic specials on the History Channel. Damn, now what am I supposed to watch?

So the other day I was chatting with my friend and he told me that I should add a downloads section to my website with wallpapers and stuff and just now I started making it, but halfway through the process I got bored. So I decided to post this picture of the Mano Negra logo instead. Which doesn't make any sense, because these two incidents have nothing to do with each other.

I don't know why I even bother going to the zoo any more.
The turtles always have piles of snot running down their nose, the elephants have chunks of their ears missing, the lions have bald patches, the lizards are always shedding and they leave pieces of skin everywhere, and all of the other animals are either asleep, dead, or hiding.
How depressing.

Today I posted up two new pages: the Contributions Page and the article on the Maxis Robot. I'm in a pretty good mood today, and I think it might have to do with unicorns and microwavable chicken wings.

On a different note, it's Shelby's birthday today and I decided to give her this incredibly sexy picture of me as a present:

I got this picture in an e-mail recently, and I guess I thought it was pretty funny. It's actually just an excuse to update my site. Sorry, but you won't get the joke if you don't speak spanish.

I've gotten two e-mails from complete strangers telling me that they like my site, and both of them mentioned that they'd like to see what I look like. Unfortunately I won't be putting up any actual pictures of me up on the site any time soon. I will, however, put up totally derranged pictures like this one, just for the sake of bothering you:

Well, I've added a small comic to my website, and I wrote an article about the Power Rangers movie, which is my longest one so far. Lucky you, two for the price of none! Umm... I really don't know what else to write here, except maybe that I also saw "Around the World in 80 Days" recently. Not the new one, the old one. The new one has Jackie Chan, and I don't really like him. He USED to be cool, but then he made "The Tuxedo", and that's when I lost what little respect I had left for him. The old version of "Around the World in 80 Days", though, is a wonderful movie. It's also the only film starring Cantinflas that isn't Mexican, so you Americans can have a taste of one of Mexico's funniest actors ever. Well, enjoy my website. So long.

The story of the Trojan Horse is bullshit. They didn't have a horse. They barely had enough wood for a life-size bunny! The true story involves ham catapults, but the Greeks were too embarrassed about having to resort to those so they made up the Trojan Horse story.

What? I'm fucking serious. I SAW the catapults, ok?! And there was ham and grease and stuff everywhere!

Quit laughing. It's not funny. I watch the History Channel, dammit!