The Maxis Robot

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Will Wright, where did you go wrong?

sims3.jpg

What you see above is a picture of the "Maxis Robot", and here is his story...

One of the funnest* things that you can do in the the computer game SimCity 4 is destroy the cities that you've worked so hard to create. The game gives you a variety of different methods to create chaos in the city streets, and once you have been satisfied you can simply load the game to an earlier time and continue working on the city like nothing had ever happened. A while ago I was creating a replica of London when I got bored and decided to wreak havoc upon English soil. As I looked through my options, I noticed one which I had never tried before:

* Funnest is not an actual word. Go figure.

servo1.jpg

Deciding that the Japanese always hog all of the giant robot fun, I clicked the "Robot Attack" button and waited impatiently for my minion of digital doom to knock down the buildings like dominoes. But when he appeared, I noticed something about him... something strange... something familiar...

servo2.jpg

I've seen that robot before! I quickly searched the back of my mind. Where have I seen him? Wait, I remember! It turns out that the giant robot was originally "Servo the Robot". Servo was a robot maid for another computer game, The Sims, which was created by Maxis (the same company that made SimCity 4).

It's true! Click here for proof!

I was shocked. Surely, this must be illegal! I mean, if it's illegal to buy peanuts during the nighttime in Alabama, then there must be a law for everything! And I'm sure there's a law against this somewhere, I just don't know what it is. Self-piracy? Self-plagiarism? Self, umm... robot-double-use... ism? I don't know. But I'm sure it's frowned upon by certain authority figures. I had to do something about it. Not just for my own entertainment, but also for the millions of people out there that were being sold used material. After thinking carefully for quite some time, I decided on a civilized and positive way to send a message to the people over at Maxis. I created a fake e-mail account (owned by a guy with the most evil name I could think of: Jake) and sent them an angry letter with a seemingly infinite supply of grammar mistakes. How could they resist answering a letter as foul, as obnoxious and as poorly-written as the one I sent them?

To: simcity-crew@ea.com
From: "Jake" (nacomentiroso@yahoo.com)
Subject: servo the robot (the sims)

hey, dude, you guys stink! dont think i didnt notice that the giant robot from simcity 4 is actually just a copy of servo the robot from the sims, cuz i did. that was cheap, dude, CHEAP!!!!!1!! psh, im never buying a game with the word "sim" in the title ever again, you cheap jerks. i dont need you! you can stick all your "originality" right up your but, though im sure it wouldn't hurt alot cuz you aint got none left!!! thats right! screw you guys! i fart in your general direction! haha! loosers!

Well, I regret to inform you that Maxis never replied to my letter. I thought about sending them another letter, but that would make me seem like more of a jerk than I really am.
You haven't defeated me yet, Maxis! Next time I'll get you!

-Pey M. E.

Feedback? Submissions? Suggestions? Or maybe you just want to tell me how much of your time I wasted by making this website? Email me at pey@thehandofmockery.com.